Archive | May 2012

Arachnophobia

Something I didn’t expect when moving to Kansas is “Spider Season”. This part of Kansas has way too many spiders for my liking. In Texas, I got used to the occasional tarantula and scorpion, but they were few and far between. In Kansas, however, I believe I have discovered the birthplace of ALL spiders.

Everyday I wake up and find some new kind of spider skittering across the wall, floor, bathtub, car, etc. One morning I went out to the garage and found a smallish spider taking up residence on our shelf. OK, I’ll steer clear and it will be fine. Next morning I go out to the garage and find that a BIGGER spider had EATEN the smallish one and taken over habitation. EWWWWW! Cannibal spiders! If a spider doesn’t have a chance against a spider, what chance does my sleeping pinky toe have? For someone not fond of spiders in the least, such as myself, living with spiders proves to be challenging. You know that “icky creepy crawly” feeling you get when you spot a spider? Multiply that feeling by 10 times a day – at least – and there you have my Kansas experience. YIK!

Let me give you a quick visual example:

THIS is what most people see………………………….

THIS is what I see!!!!!

Oh, let’s just go outside…squealing in fear and disgust as we flee through the front door!

Oh HELL NO! Run back inside, flinging open the screen door with the force of a panicked She-Hulk.

(Unfortunately, the cat was attached and not amused at the cartoon-like smash and slam ride on the screen door or being left behind for spider bait. Sorry flat kitty, you’re on your own.)

OH DEAR GOD!!!

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Taste the Rabies

Something borrowed; 
Something new;
Something gross 
Bagged in blue.

So I’m at the grocery store perusing the aisles for something hubby might like to nosh on in his lunch for work when I spy with my little eye SKITTLES in a new blue bag. What’s “new” about them? They are FIZZY and promise a party in your mouth. Being a big fan of Pop Rocks back in the day, I only hesitated a second before tossing them into my cart.

To make a long story short, they didn’t “fizz” as I would have hoped. They FOAMED. That’s right, it’s akin to rabies with a fruity twist. It’s like a party in your mouth alright, but the ONLY guests that showed up are those scrubbing bubbles guys and they are dancing like no one is watching all over your gums.

So my conclusion on this little taste testing episode is “EEEEWWWWW!”. Need to change their marketing on this one to “taste the Cujo”. Ok, Ok, Lame, I know…it was the Skittles.

Nerd Nostalgia


Well Kiddos, back in the day, hard drives used to cost an arm & and leg & a left testicle and you had to deliver them in person – uphill…both ways!

 


Versatile as a weighted brick to give you sexy abs?

 

 
Nerd in a Box. lol — Its rumored to have come with a secret decoder ring and a robot girlfriend. Nerd 007 …..Hahahahaha

 


Mommy, wtf is THIS?!?

 


If it weren’t for internet porn, would monitors still be THIS size? Hmmmmmm….

A Bookoo near YOU!

Ok, so I moved to Northeast Kansas and settled in. It’s time for bargain hunting so I check out the local garage sales. 3 weeks of venturing out only to find Greatgrandma’s junk and a huge waste of gas. Then I head over to one of the myraid of Army Wives facebook pages and stumble on a treasure of a site called FortRileyYardSales.com also known as Bookoo.com. I’m in bargain hunting heaven! And, YES, there is probly a Bookoo in your area also.

Here at Riley, people use it extensively so there is a never ending fix of bargains to be had. Especially when someone PCS’s out. Everything from high end furniture, baby and kids stuff, vehicles, electronics, kitchen stuff, stuff picked up in Europe they want to get rid of, appliances, to clothes.

I’ve become addicted. Let me show you why…..

Today I picked up these adorable Lugz boots. Yep, that’s right…PINK!!! They are brand new and fantastic! Guess how much? $5 a pair. SQUEEEEEEE~ I also picked up a nice polished aluminum coat rack in excellent condition for $1 so hubby will stop hanging his uniform all over the place.

But let me show you more….

This is one of the end tables to my newly acquired coffee and 2 end tables set. I know this may not be everyone’s style, but it goes so lavishly perfect with my old world traditional decor!!! Got them all for just over $100. Another Squeeeeeee for me! The coffee table is an exact match except larger and it has hidden rollers on the bottom for easily moving out of the way.

I picked up this new cabinet for a few bucks plus I got a matching medium floor cabinet too. Fits perfectly in my small bathroom.

I have also added to my treasure bargain booty two 6 foot black shelves that were gently used and came with nice cornice trim as well as various dishes, tupperware, and kitchen appliances all for under $5 a piece. the kitchen stuff was under a dollar a piece. SQUEEEEEE!

So, needless to say, I have been an avid lurker on Bookoo.com. I love Bookoo!!!! Check out the Bookoo near you by using the MORE BOOKOO tab on the top menu @Bookoo.com. Hopefully, your area will be as active as Fort Riley’s.

Rethinking Reincarnation

I was watching a show on the Science channel about the search for our soul. I won’t go into the particulars, but it was quite thought provoking. Once provoked, my mind tends to go off on a tangent and then split into ten different directions. As I’ve always stated, if I wasn’t so lazy I  would swear I have ADD.  Anyway, part of the show delved into reincarnation. This is something I used to believe in when I was younger. But since I couldn’t find any concrete answers, I gave up wasting precious time while I’m alive trying to figure out what happens after I’m dead. But this show provoked my mind to fire off those old synapses again.

I, for one, am hoping that reincarnation in its popularly understood form does not exist. Seriously I do. I think it’s a pretty unfair deal. I don’t think I would enjoy coming back as a “lower” life form. I used to muse about what it would be like to come back as a cat. Following the realism of that train of thought, I’m going to have to go with “no”. A house cat seems get bored quite alot. I think that’s why they sleep so much. I know it’s why I sleep so much. Plus they are constantly staring out of a window to a world they can not participate in at all. So a house cat just has a really nice cushy cage (your house). And Lord forbid being an outdoor cat! For survival and safety’s sake I would have to join some sort of kitty gang and I’m just not that much of a “joiner”.

There’s the possibility of coming back as a bear. You may be thinking, “hell YEH, a bear!” Strong and armed with long sharp claws and teeth but I say, “NOPE”.  They shit in the woods. I don’t shit in the outdoors. Even when I’m camping, I hold it till I can find a nice gas station with a lockable door. I need peace and security to do the doo. I tried to poop in a porta-potty located in our tent once. It was a “no go”. Let’s just say that gopher wasn’t coming outta her hole for all the granola and nuts in the world! Also, a bear’s territory is about 8 to 15 square miles. That’s A LOT of walking. That’s just too damned much exercise. Especially carrying all that poundage a bear has. Although, on the plus side, bears hibernate and I LOVE naps!

You may be thinking that coming back as a bird would be majestic and the ultimate in freedom. To that I say, “Hell NO!” Birds sleep in trees. That’s way too damned much like camping. I’m assuming that from the preceding bear idea, you can get that I hate camping. Plus, a bird’s diet is just icky. Things like snakes and worms just don’t seem like something I’d want to come back to life to feast on. Oh, and the whole egg laying thing. Hell no, uh uh, no way! Do you know that eggs come out of the same hole as the poop? Anal. Really? I’m not coming back to roll out a bunch of polished boulder butt babies!

Then there’s the bug. WTF? A bug??? What kind of reincarnation justice is THAT? I seriously think bugs hit the windshield on purpose. I know I would! I mean, they are probably thinking, “WTF? I’m a fucking bug! Screw it, I’ll take my chances in the next life.” Then SPLAT! The roulette wheel of reincarnation spins again as you watch the guts smear with each wiper swipe.

If reincarnation actually exists, I’m not a fan. I like the “one shot” deal. It gives me no excuse for being lazy and waiting till the next go ’round to participate in life’s adventures. Plus reincarnation goes against everything I believe in. I don’t believe in joining gangs, pooping in the woods, backdoor birth or committing suicide. Next time I think I’ll just change the channel or just take a nap.